SPEC Connects

I call you friends...

Hi Friends

Jesus said, "I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends… You did not choose me but I chose you."

As we walk with Jesus this Holy Week, remember who you are walking with. We are not walking with a high and mighty messiah, but with someone who calls you his friend. The one who loves you, who calls you by name, and calls you his friend is the one who you are walking with this week.

One of my favorite words is “beloved” and the sense of “be loved.” This week amidst all the stuff we are doing, remember to take time to be loved.

With a smile.
Rob

People in the Church love Change

Hi Folks

Several years ago the devout lady who headed our intercessor group told me that people in the church don’t like change. I thought to myself, and told the lady, “that is the craziest thing I had heard.” She was rather confused by my response and I said, “you of all people love change, because I am sure in your intercessions you are not praying ‘O, Lord keep Muriel’s cancer just the way it is, because Muriel and I don’t like change.’” People come to church seeking to be blessed, and a blessing is always a change.

One of my teachers, Stephen Gilligan once said, "People don’t want to be changed, they want to be blessed." And I believe that to be very true. While a blessing is a change, we in the church need to get out of the change management business and back into the blessing business.

Technically a blessing is any outcome that is more valuable than the starting point plus the cost of the resources (time, money, effort, energy, material) to get there. What people resist like crazy is any outcome of lesser value, and especially one that requires a lot of resources to achieve. Let’s face it, only an idiot would gladly work hard and spend lots of resources to achieve something of less value than they started with. (Be assured, as a psychologist, they learned me how to detect idiocy in school and none of you are ;-) )

The current pandemic has caused radical change. Our task is not to manage it nor endure it and go back to normal, but to transform that into a blessing. If Almighty God can transform the darkest day of history, when humanity killed the Son of God, into the day that death was defeated, then I think the children of God, empowered by God’s love, can transform this current misery into a blessing. I know you have already blessed me in this situation and I observe how you are blessing one another.

Thank you for being agents of blessing.

With a smile,
Rob  

We are all doing the best we know how to do

Hi Folks

In the previous emails I have focused on what we focus on become our reality.

But what are we to do to refocus our attention when confronted with bad behavior?

One of my guiding principles is the belief that: “At any moment people are doing the best they know how to do given the context in which they are doing it.”

This doesn’t mean I agree or affirm what they are doing, I just know it is the best they knew how to do in the circumstances they find themselves. This applies even to behavior that we find despicable, offensive, and repugnant.

Think of a time when you did something for which you are ashamed. Step back and notice that in that given moment it was the best you knew to do. I am sure if you could have done something else you would have done it, but given the context and level of fear you were experiencing that was you could do.

This  principle is based on another core belief: “Underlying all behavior is a positive intention.” When working with people we need to be discovering the underlying positive intent. That is never the problem. The problem is the strategy to achieve that intent. For example at an extreme level a positive intention to stay safe, may result in murder and mayhem. I am not affirming that strategy, in fact I am strongly rejecting it, but I will honor their need to stay safe.

What we always need to be doing is learning new strategies, consistent with the Golden Rule to accomplish the positive intent.

As we look around our world at this time, we can see many offensive behaviors, people hoarding resources, politicians lying and blaming each other, business leaders acting with cold-hearted greed.

Think of one of these situations that offends you. Look at the people through the eyes of your offense. Notice how that makes you want to act… (For me it makes me very angry and wanting to smash their face in.)

Now take a step back and look at the people through the understanding, they are doing the best they know how to do to achieve a positive outcome.

Notice if and how that changes your internal experience… (For me I often feel sad, that is truly the best they know how to do. I may still resist their behavior but with compassion or tough love, rather than violence and wanting to do harm.)

Putting on the eyes of love.

With a smile.
Rob